I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
