you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So much rum. So many feels.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
