so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
