He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
