Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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