I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
