My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize