i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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