I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
