Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
