Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All the doctor said was why
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize