This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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