I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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