what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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