There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
