My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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