she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
