I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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