My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
