Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize