Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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