I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
