I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize