THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
