So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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