ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
