awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize