New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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