he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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