Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
