I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
