i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
