She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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