i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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