my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My bed smells like the plague
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