Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
