Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
