wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
