Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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