my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
