Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
