She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
