clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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