I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
