Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
