Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
