You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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