That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
