Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
