If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
