I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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