i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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