i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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