Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
