you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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