I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's never too late to be topless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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