Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
