The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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