I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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