Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
