she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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